I will write

All I want to do tonight is to go into our dark bedroom, pull the sheets over me head and cry.  But instead, I will write.  I will write because there may be someone out there someone that needs to know that they are not alone.  I will write because our world is hurting and we need to be willing to talk about our emotions, the pain, the anger, the hope and the possibility of healing.  I will write because I need to.  I need to know that I am not alone.  I need to know that somewhere out there, someone is reading about our sweet baby and that maybe, just maybe they are sad for us too.  I will write because its how I process and how I remember there is hope and someday there will be healing.  We will never get over this, or past this, but someday, not today and not tomorrow but we will get through this.  Scarred, forever changed, with a new soul that will always be a part of our family, but we will carry on.  I write because I want Jacob to know that his Mom and Dad grieved his baby siblings and that our hearts were broken when he didn't get to become the big brother that he so longs to be.  I write because I long for Jacob to know that he has two sweet little siblings waiting for him in Heaven.  I write because I don't know what else to do.  But for tonight, I will write.  I will cry.  I will pray.  I will hug my sweet little boy and my amazing love.  And for tonight, that will be enough.